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The Test 2001 (07.06.01)

I'm sure by now you've all read countless Test of Metal news items, well here's one Bryan-style, so sit back and enjoy a tale.

The festival weekend began once again with the Intergalactic Chariot Race. The first year I thought this event was crazy and insane. Yet I once again found myself in a garbage can with Squamish's own superman, Chris McCrum peddling us through tires and over jumps. Highlight: some bozo's didn't' move their cars off Cleveland Ave. so some of our finest just went over and lifted it onto the sidewalk in one swift motion. With the car out of the way nothing could stop the Corsa/Carney duo of Dave and Neil taking the cup.

RACE DAY: I knew I was excited by the dreams. Usually the night before Christmas, or other big events come the dreams. You know the ones, you're at the race but you forgot something, or you're naked. Well my dreams started 3 days prior with me half way through the race stopping into the pub for a quick pint. Then it started getting dark and I was worried I wouldn't make it up 9 mile. Then the monkeys came and, and quite frankly I've said too much already. Luckily the Race was once again a phenomenal success.

Cliff, the volunteers, the Crowds, the finish line, where do you start? How about with the best rendition of O'Canada I've ever heard! You simply can't get cuter than a young Emma Peterson sweetly starting 800 riders on a journey of Squamish. Now once again I have to say to those who came out to watch and cheer. YOU ROCK! The continuous fan support is simply remarkable. Make no mistake, you make the riders go faster and for a brief moment forget the fact that our lungs are on fire and that calf twitch is getting stronger. For that, Thank you.

My favorite part of the race would have to be meeting other riders on the trail. Usually there's one or two people you spend quite a while with as you peddle along. This brings us nicely into the quote of the race. As usual "the corners" were a parade as some decided they did need brakes. So strolling down, the fella in front of me said

"My grandma, my mom and my sister came out to watch me today, and as soon as I see them you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to drop my bike and give each of them a great big kiss! Because today. It's all about the LOVE!"

Darn tootn' it is! Tell me you didn't' feel the love as you peddled into the logger sports grounds which simply looked fantastic! And how cool was that that our own Mayor, Corinne Lonsdale came out and kept the beer flown' for all the thirsty boys and girls over 19.

Wait a minute? What's this? No controversy? Well of course there was but not from our mayor and council who came out and supported the race. The controversy is one that everyone has been thinking but no one says out loud. Oh, you know where I'm going. There are some that would like to turn Squamish Loggers Sports and the Test of Metal weekend into a "who's got the biggest penis" competition. Well to those I say "Keep it in your PANTS!"

I for one was so impressed when I heard that the finish line would actually be in the logger sports grounds. And Corrine slinging beer? Well damn if that wasn't the cherry on the "this town rocks" cake. And again, the good people of Squamish worked together to bring a generator from Whistler just in time to announce triumphantly those riders who arrived at the back of the pack, and they needed the cheers even more.

So how did Squamish do in the race? Well we did awesome! Now once again I have to bow down and pay respect to the fastest freak I've ever had the pleasure to call friend. Chris McCrum. Yes the same Chris that took us on the Tour de Squamish schooled everyone with an incredible time of 3:05 and all on a single speed bike. God bless that freak! Myself? Well I'm quite happy beating my last time with 4:26 and let me tell you it was awesome peddling that pig past those fancy-boy race bikes. Day 3 - Once again Squamish hosted the best trials competition in the world. And what makes it the best? Well trials master Robin Coope summed it up very nicely

"In Squamish I've never heard the words, "it cant' be moved."

As well, the teen test and mini metal had the future hammerheads battling it out.

So you think the weekend can't get better? Sure it can, just add Rock and Roll baby! Well, that, and 30 of Squamish's best freeriders hucking themselves down the best freeride trail in Squamish, Rampage. I've ridden this trail many, many, times. But I've never seen anything like the crowd support I saw at the Rock Star Invitational. Knowing the last 3 drops were going to see the most carnage, I volunteered to join the bloodthirsty masses and watch the show. What a show! There were so many spectacular crashes, the best being Troy Lynn doing 2 summersaults over a 6-foot rock drop while still clicked into his bike!

Oh, and the cutest part was a little girl covering her eyes and saying "this is awful they're all hurting themselves!" I just explained to her that as hard as it is to believe, this is what they live for. They've done it a thousand times and they'll do it a thousand more. Just notice how smiles beam right through the blood and bruises.

(insert bitching guitar solo curtesy Pete Tremble)
All hail Jay "Rock star" Lorenz for kicking butt clipped into a hardtail for a time of 5:43. I have to say here that there really should have been another category, or at least an astrix beside Easy's name for DNS. That's right, Easy had the best time out of all the rockstars who partied all night and *Did Not Sleep* - atta' boy! To all the freeriders, Manus was absolutely right, "Today you blew peoples minds!"

And the volly party, well I don't know about the rest of you volunteers but I certainly feel appreciated. The BrewPub food was spectacular and the keg seemed quite bottomless. Just another Test of metal I suppose.

So congratulations to everyone! Yes even you! And what the hell, 3 cheers for Cliff Miller. hip hip...

PS. If you happen to have some fabulous pictures from the event you would love to share, please feel free to send them to me care of The Voice or email me Thanks eh'

Bryan lives, loves, and rides with pride in Squamish BC.


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