The scene opens with a grainy black and white reel of filthy young people out by the side of the road. Ominous music tells us immediately they're evil. A deep voiced announcer tells us to beware these people. You'll know them by their uniform consisting of a ragged phish T-shirt and perhaps an oversized knapsack. They're habits includes ordering a plate of nacho's for 12 and a jug of water. These people suffer from (Enter booming reverb voice and possible SCTV style 3-D effects) "Climber Madness"
Ahhh climbers, whether you like it or not, our town is infested with them. I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with that huge hunk of rock they say is the second largest granite monolith in the world.
They're a funny lot, those climbers. They're not like mountain bikers, sledheads, or other drunken sport junkies. Climbers are more of a reserved bunch that prefer to wake up early, go climbing then retreat to the woods where they just want to be left alone so tomorrow they can do it again. Of course this is the climber stereotype, but as any stereotype, it's there for a reason.
Proof of their quiet reserve is the fact that no one has started an annual climber's festival in town. But living here you can't help but be just a little bit curious as to what all the fuss is about.
So it was that after six long years I finally broke down. I put away the bike and said yes to granite crack. I tell you it was an odd moment when I said "Just one sec, I have to stop in the shop." However instead of Corsa Cycles I headed next door to the "other" shop that those guys in the funny fleece pants always hang out at. Well, faster than Murray can swim Alice Lake, the folks at Valhalla had me in a pair of rental shoes and well on my way to higher ground.
As you can imagine it didn't take long to get hooked. The first accent was spectacular and as the blood rushed to my head and I stumbled to the ground I surveyed the majestic splendor that is our back yard. Then came the sudden realization. "Crap, I'm in love with another sport." Just what I need, another passion to take what little remains of my time and money. Luckily though the start up costs to climbing is relatively inexpensive. All you really need to get out there is a pair of climbing shoes and someone to show you the ropes. Luckily we live in Squamish where if you huck a rock, chances are it'll bounce off a truck, ricochet off a bike and hit a climber. Now, If you didn't actually throw that rock, there's no doubt that climber would be more than happy to take you out to explore yet another world class corner of the recreation capital of Canada.
This my friends truly is paradise.