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Federal Follies (07.15.05)
Until recently federal politics have been foreign to me. Reading a headline was like stepping into a movie that has been playing forever. It was always, “who’s that guy?” and “what boondoggle scandal?” Only recently have I begun to catch on and boy howdy is it one wacky show.
In the first scene a minority government was being sworn in meaning everyone has to work together. The first big test was the now historic budget vote. It was nail biting close with the Conservatives demanding the government fall. The score was tied however and the tiebreaker was none other than Surrey’s own Chuck Cadman. Chuck passed away this week but talk about going out with a dignified bang. For the last few months of his life, Chuck was the most powerful person in our country. After being bum rushed out of the Conservative party he ran and won as an independent holding the balance of power and showing us just how much difference one person can make.
Another great character is Belinda Stronach. Belinda was dating the Conservative guy who recently destroyed the Alliance party. In a swift move of political brilliance she took the opportunity of this historic vote to cross the floor from the Conservative to the Liberal party. Now, it’s important to note that she is far from the first person to cross the floor to another party. However she is the first to cross with embarrassing shouts of “Whore!” and “Slut!”. Ahh, the Conservative party. Sure they may have some reasonable points but they’re always muffled by the foot they just put in their mouth.
You see the conservatives are super old school. A particularly curious trait of the Conservative party is their ideological belief that government should only be there to ensure corporations get paid. Government should get out of everything else like healthcare, education, energy, and so on. Yet interestingly enough the only place they’re hell bent on staying is in the bedroom. Well, the bedroom, the womb and Iraq. Yeah, there’s a well thought out plan.
Now, their reputation of being a bunch of rich, white, sexist, racist, homophobic, greedy business men is like any stereotype, not entirely accurate, but not entirely without merit either. Proven time and time again when someone inevitably gets caught stating their beliefs in a tasteless rant. Sure that diatribe may win you the support of the likeminded masses; However, the thing all conservatives fail to grasp is that we’re not in the deep south of the United States. There, intolerance is celebrated and can win you the presidency. Thank god that just doesn’t fly in Canada. Oh sure for a while there I was terrified it might not be so. However, with the Liberals immersed in the biggest scandal of our nation’s history, the Canadian people have made it clear that stealing millions and millions of our taxpayer dollars is a small price to pay to not have the Conservatives running the show. Oh Canada, you crack me up.
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