Director: Gore Verbinski
So this is it? Am I wrong to want more than to sit through endless sequels? If these films are making hand over fist cash - why do I feel so used when I come out of the theatre? I tell you it’s hard out here for a critic.
But you play the hand you’re dealt, and this hand was Pirates of the Caribbean 3. The plot… well it’s convoluted to say the least. Starting directly after the first one, cardboard cutouts Orlando and Keira team up with Captain Barbossa to find Johnny Depp in Davy Jones' locker. Oh, but that’s only the first half hour. Then there’s Chinese pirate Chow Yun-Fat, and other pirate lords. Plus the East India Trading Company has Davy Jones' beating heart, and Johnny Depp hallucinates many replicas of himself.
It’s almost better if you haven’t seen the second one. The plot will make absolutely no sense but it doesn’t take long to figure out that it really doesn’t matter. The only things you can get out of this movie are cool CGI graphics of big boats shooting cannons. Plus the obligatory arrrgh, and matey so it’s not a total waste.
What is a waste is Orlando Bloom. This movie would have
been far more enjoyable if it was an hour shorter, solution: beat his
character to death within the first 10 minutes. But no, he lives and we
have to sit through far too long of dreadful lovers talk. Ye’ve
been warned matey, this vessel be for eyes only.